Sad news

Sad news

It's been a good week overall, despite Daylight Savings Tiime kicking in last weekend, and I really don't like it. Instead of driving to work when it's starting to get daylight, and getting home just as it's starting to get dark, now I leave in full daylight and get home when it's full dark. All because of an hour's change of time. It's kind of silly at this end of time to keep on doing it because it's what we've done for well over a hundred years in the USA, to help farmers have more daylight for working. What I've never understood is how it helped to have more daylight for working. Didn't we still have the same amount of daylight, no matter what? It's not like it gave us more time in the day, after all. And these days, with technology the way it is, and most Big Ag relying on equipment that has GPS and lights and who knows what on it, it's not like Big Ag farmers have to worry about "saving" any daylight at all. It's annoying for the rest of us, I think, more than anything else.

What bugs me is that now, when I get home, instead of being able to drop my lunchbag and hang up my heavy apron that I wear for work to dry on the clothesline overnight, and then have enough daylight for half an hour or so of outside stuff, I get home and it's already pitch black and I have to worry about hitting a deer all the way home and up the road. Nearly got run into by Bambi, Faline and one of Faline's friends Monday night on the way home, and Friday, another doe was running up the mountain road ahead of me for nearly a quarter mile before she dodged off the other side of the road. So I'm not real fond of DST when it interferes with getting anything done. Thus, the only outside stuff that got done this weekend was on Saturday, when I got outside and cut some wood up that had been laying around for a while needing trimming up and cutting to stove length.

I don't blame Quentin this week for not feeling up to doing anything Friday. The rest of the week was nice enough and nothing got done, but Friday he became a basket case. He got a phone call early in the day, not long after my shift started, from his brother saying that his father had died. So I got yanked off the line to go take an emergency phone call because Quentin was bawling and halfway to hysterical over it, so I had to take some time on HR's phone to get him calmed down so he could make it at least till lunchtime. If he wasn't settled some by then, I was going to have to go back to HR and do quick paperwork for a paid half-day for bereavement time. Tyson is pretty good about that - you can have up to three paid days off for a death of a close family member if they are local and you are going to the funeral, or a week off with three days paid if you have to go out of state for it. I called Quentin at break and he was doing better - numb but at least past the hysterics. He told me Friday night that he slept the better part of the day, and honestly, right now, I think that's best for him, because he'll be able to sleep out the worst of the shock.

He's so stunned by this happening that it's like having an adult-size toddler in the house. He quite literally right now has to be told everything to do, from "Go to the car," to "Come sit down and eat your supper." So I hope for a few days that he does pretty much nothing but sleep. (No, we're still not getting along and are still playing the avoidance game for the most part to avoid big fights and such, but in this, somebody has to take care of things, and it sure isn't him, the way he's feeling right now.)

His father died of a massive coronary infarction, as best we can find out. He lives (lived) in a small apartment and one of Quentin's cousins, Carma, goes over every couple of days to clean for him and his neighbor lady. The neighbor told Carma Friday morning that it was awful odd that my father-in-law, Ronald, hadn't gone out for at least four days, when it's his habit to hop in his truck and go to the local diner at least twice a week for breakfast with the other farmers and ranchers in the area (Ronald still owns, or at least partially owns, several head of Black Angus up there in Cedar County, MO). Plus her floor in her kitchen was getting wet and there wasn't any reason for it. So Carma went around to the other side of the building where Ronald's place was, and there's water flowing out from under his front door. Uh-oh. She let herself in, and found the kitchen sink overflowing with the tap on and water everywhere an inch deep. She found Ronald in the hallway on his back, and it was rough from there on. Phone calls, family coming over to play vulture with his things, and so on. Yeah, I've got GREAT in-laws.

I'm horribly bothered by his family, specifically his brother, Pete, and sister, Carla. They were willing to wire down some money for Quentin to be able to have gas to go up for the memorial service (Ronald is being cremated) on the 20th. Quentin's choosing not to go, because, I kid y'all not, Ronald wasn't even pronounced dead for twelve hours and they were fighting over material possessions. There will be a small inheritance coming to each of the three kids, but good night, at least wait till the will is probated in a couple of weeks before you start fighting over things! Sadly, Quentin doesn't even have many good memories of his childhood, because his parents divorced when he was young and his siblings are not, and were not, the most decent of people you'd want to know. I've never met my sister-in-law and from what others have said of her, I don't want to. My brother-in-law is an arrogant ... well, I can't even come up with words to describe him politely. Pete and Quentin had a big fight on the phone over whether or not Quentin was coming up for the cremation and then for the funeral because this Friday, the 15th, is the cremation and that's also when Quentin can first apply for rehire at Tysons.

Quentin doesn't even want to be there for the cremation, and Pete is acting like it's some kind of crime to want to be down here to put in the app since they're all online now anyhow. "You can put in an online app from anywhere there's a computer!" he says, and while he's right in that, Quentin's taking a shot at doing this himself, by going to the library bright and early Friday morning to see what he can do by himself, despite complete computer illiteracy, and with a little help from the librarian, so that hopefully, he can get it done early enough in the day that it's submitted and they maybe call him for an interview that day. If he can get that call, and they can squeeze in his interview and medical the 15th, he'd start the 18th, on the following Monday. Big if, but we can hope, because otherwise, it's likely Thanksgiving week before he starts back. Which would also mean that he'd be in orientation the day of the memorial service, and couldn't take time off - missing a day of orientation means immediate termination and no rehire for TWO years. He's not going to risk that, nor risk not making his interview, after as tight as it's been for a year. We're both tired of this and looking forward to him getting back to work.

So his family, specifically his older brother, is making life pretty miserable for him right now, and there's not a lot to be done to fix it. Though there is family that I told him he should keep in touch with, while just cutting ties with his siblings at this point, because if they're going to act like that, they aren't worth his time. His Aunt Judy, his Grandma until she passes, Carma and her husband Donnie and their kids, and a couple of others. Funny enough, I am an only child, and growing up, I always wanted a big family with lots of brothers and sisters. I married into a big family of sorts, and don't want anything to do with the lot of them.

I guess I'm lucky in that respect. I had a rough childhood, and while Mom did her best, she was rather overprotective, and it scarred me. I've been told by therapists that what I went through was akin to being a POW for eighteen years, and I'm lucky I came out of it as intact as I am. I do have a lot of really good memories, though, despite it all, and while Mom and I have had our differences over the years, and we went through a period when I was a young adult of not speaking at all for the better part of five years, we both regret that lost time, and I call her almost every Sunday evening to chat and catch up on news from back home, and tell her what's going on down here. I know she's got a will, my "Aunt" Liz (her best friend for 33 years, I often joke that they need to get each other traditional wedding anniversary presents because they've been together longer than most people have been married) is the executor, and everything is split between me and my two kids.

I get some things specifically that I've asked for, and that's in the will, same as the kids. I know I'll get some of the kitchen stuff if it's still there (she has these old heavy glass mixing bowls that were a set, but one got broken years ago that I definitely want! I MISS using those bowls!), the holiday decorations because it's tradition in my family that holiday stuff all goes to the oldest daughter (so there's stuff my grandmother didn't want anymore and gave to my mom years ago even though she's not dead yet, and all that Mom's collected over the years), Mom's record collection (mostly Elvis, but I grew up listening to those records!), all the afghans I made her over the years, and while I'm not into butterflies, I found a latch hook wall hanging of a butterfly years ago that I gave her.

Someone had it in a frame that had been painted flat black and then decided they didn't want it. I lived in Flint at the time and remember that I was VERY pregnant with Amber, and was walking home from the library to my tiny apartment. I saw it laying face up on top of someone's garbage pile, and looked at it carefully. It was in good shape, barring the ugly frame, so I grabbed it and got it home with me and my library books. It was hard to get it home because it was bulky and there was a slight wind, I remember, but I managed. Then I got out my paints, found some gold and a paintbrush, and very carefully used gold acrylic Ceramcoat, holding the latch hook out of the way, and painted the frame a color that accented the butterfly while not taking it out of the frame. It became a Christmas present for Mom that year. (Yeah, that was a really good memory, so I remember all the details of it.) And I want that butterfly to remember my Mom by when she's gone, not because I like butterflies as much as she does, but because it will always have a good memory associated with it. Honestly, Mom loved it. She still has it hanging on the living room wall right by the front door, and everybody says how nice it is. I can't understand why someone was willing to put something so pretty, that they'd put so much work into, and that was still in great shape, into the trash like that, but serendipity struck and it got Mom a Christmas gift that she treasures twenty years later.

So when Mom goes, hopefully not any time soon, it's going to be rough on me, too. But I know that there won't be any fighting, because that's just not how things are in my family. Everybody knows what Mom wants once she's gone, and Aunt Liz and Amber and I will, between the three of us, keep any vultures in the family from getting anything or even finding out about the funeral till after it's in the paper, if then. And by then, everything will be divvied up nice and neat. Why am I so sure things will be so quiet?

Because my mom's siblings acted like nimrods at their Dad's funeral many years ago, and Mom has not forgotten nor forgiven. She told me that day that when she goes, she doesn't even want them told about the funeral. They can find out she's gone if they bother to read the obituaries in the paper, but otherwise, they're not to be notified till after the funeral, because she doesn't want the shenanigans that happened at Granddad's funeral to happen at hers. She wants a nice, peaceful, remember the good times wake, not a bunch of family fighting over everything and anything, nitpicking over how big the obit was in the paper or whether the flowers were "too much, a plant would have done just as well" or anything silly like that.

So a very quiet week, but it allowed me to get a lot done on the baby's stuff for her first Christmas. Eric and Bobbie can hardly wait to see it, because even though Elizabeth won't remember it except from being told about it and shown pictures, it's important for a baby to have a good first Christmas, right? The sweater has only a few ends to run in and buttons to go on ....

and the blanket is coming along fine, in very soft cotton yarn.

AND I have enough of the stonewashed denim color to make plenty of other things, too.

I'm seriously thinking of making another sweater with the leftover cotton in the five-hour baby sweater pattern, only on bigger needles, just to make sure that baby has plenty of hand knit woolies (or in this case, cottons) to dress up in. A baby can never, EVER have enough hand knits, and seeing them get worn to bits is always a knitter's or crocheter's hope with making something for someone that's wearable. You really do want to see it worn and worn out. It shows that somebody cares enough about it to put it to use. I can't tell you how many times I've made dishcloths for folks for gifts, only to have them tell me they hung it in the kitchen in a place of pride to display it, because "it's too pretty to be used." It's MEANT to be used, and it's pretty because I personally don't like using ugly things in a kitchen. Or anywhere in the house.

Maybe it's just me, but I think a house, in the public areas, should be neat, clean, and just plain pretty. Save the messy for the private home office area and the bedrooms. Kitchen, dining area, living room/family room area and the bathroom, and any halls, should be clean and decorated in a way that makes people feel welcome to come in and stay awhile. I guess I'm old-fashioned in that way. Heck, when the kids were little the rule for their bedrooms was that they didn't have to make their beds or put their clothes away, they could live out of the laundry basket if they liked. The floor could be a disaster. BUT the door had to be closed so other people, mostly me, didn't have to look at the mess, and there was to be no opened food or dirty dishes left in the room. If the door was open, or there was food or dishes, it was an invitation to me to come clean it up for them, and they didn't like it when I cleaned.

So they had their rooms their way, doors shut at all times, and no food or dishes left in there. And we had a happy house, full of love and laughter and loads of things that made the place welcoming. I still like to have a few extra afghans and a couple of pillows in case of company, to make up a bed on the sofa for them, and there's always time to put the kettle on for tea or instant coffee or cocoa, and always some kind of finger food like cookies or coffee cake or what have you around for company. Errr, yeah, I'd have to say I'm somewhat out of date in that respect. But it's nice traditions like those that help to make a house a welcoming home for the family.

It's not traditions like fighting over who gets what before the corpse is even declared for twelve hours that bring family together, as Quentin's is doing. It's only splitting them apart to where he feels he should be there for the cremation and memorial service, but he doesn't even want to go because of all the infighting. I can't blame him, so he'll mourn privately, and go on with life, and wait for the executor (his Aunt Anita, thankfully one of the nice, intelligent folks in the family) to divvy it all up and send him a check for his share of the inheritance. It won't be much, and Quentin'd really rather have his dad around instead of the money, but it's a lot better for him than dealing with family that acts like vultures.

I could go on and on about traditions, but one I love in my family, and miss with being here in Arkansas rather than "back home," is Thanksgiving dinner at my Uncle Jim's and Aunt Helen's. EVERYBODY shows up for what Uncle Jim calls "lots of food, lots of BS, and watching the Lions lose again." We all get our plates, pile them high with food and sit around the big TV in the family room at their place and watch the Turkey Day feetball game with the Lions and whoever, and watch our home team get beaten. Usually very badly. All while we make all kinds of horrible jokes about the game and how it's going and armchair quarterback the whole thing. It's a beeeeg, beeeg shebang, and I miss it alot. I'm there in spirit anyhow, and given half a chance, even when it was just me a few years, I put out a spread and a half, because you never know. Somebody could drop by on a whim and need a plate of food, right? (Many times, somebody did, too. I rarely have leftovers from even a big Turkey Day dinner.) In a couple weeks, with Turkey Day right around the corner, I'd like to do a post about YOUR Turkey Day traditions, if you're in the US (or Canada, you guys have a Thanksgiving, too, don't you?). Drop me a line at hrauschenberger@gmail.com, tell me all about your Thanksgiving traditions, and I'll put them together into a weekend before Turkey Day blog post.

So this started out a good week if a very quiet early fall week, and ended up with tragedy. I'm off here to get other things done. See you next week, but until then, there's freebies for the Kindle below.
Share on Facebook

FREE KINDLE BOOKS FOR THE WEEK

40 Easy Soup Recipes - Top Soup and Chowder Recipes For the Whole Family
30 Paleo Fish Recipes - Simple & Easy Paleo Fish Recipes (Paleo Recipes)
Top 30 Most Popular And Latest Portuguese Recipes That You Will Never Ever Forget
35 Chicken Soup Recipes: Cozy Chicken Soups And Stews For Your Soul On A Cold Night
How to Vertical Garden: What You Need to Know About Vertical Gardening & Creating a Beautiful Living Wall (The Jonah Green Gardening Series)
How to Grow Beans and Peas: Planting and Growing Organic Green Beans, Sugar Snap Peas, and Heirloom Dry Beans and Peas
Worm Composting: & Composting Ideas for use in Organic Gardening & Growing of Vegetables & Herbs
The How to Book on Creating a Beautiful Container Garden: Grow Robust Flowers and Produce All Will Envy (The Jonah Green Series(What to Plant in Pots & How to Plant in Pots)
Best Ever Fruit Cobbler & Crisp Recipes (Best Ever Recipes Series)
Best Homemade Shortbread Cookies (Delicious Shortbread Cookie Recipes For All Occasions!)
Southern Comfort Casseroles (Breakfast, Brunch And Dinner Casseroles)
Natural Gardens and Landscapes (Gardening and Landscaping with Native Plants)
29 Gluten Free Healthy Slow Cooker Recipes - Easy Slow Cooker Recipes (Gluten Free Cookbook - The Gluten Free Recipes Collection)
Tips and Tricks for Creating and Caring for your Garden
The New Green Family Guide: A Beginner's Guide to Going Green as a Family (Green Matters)
How to Save Energy at Home - 101 Great Home Energy Saving Tips
The Low Carb Cookbook Boxed Set: Fabulous Ideas for Delicious and Nutritious Meals You Will Love (The Low Carb Diet)
Cupcakes (Cupcake And Frosting Recipes)
Homesteading - Self Sufficiency. A Beginners Guide: Canning & Food Preservation; Raised Bed Gardening; Raising Chickens; Growing Organic Vegetables; Vermin ... Bites' 5 Book Bundle (K.I.S.S Quick Bites)
35 Easy Pasta Recipes - Delicious and Traditional Italian Pasta Dishes (The Italian Cuisine And Italian Recipes Collection)
How To Compost Manure
Fresh Salad Recipes: 21 Classic Italian Salads - (A Delicious Collection of Italian Salads)
Sizzling, Smacking Good 4th of July Grilled Pork Recipes
Hydroponics: Hydroponic Gardening Basics
Collection of 30 Top Class, Most Popular And Super Tasty Vegetarian Breakfast Recipes In Just 3 Or Less Steps
Wheat-Free Classics - Breakfast and Baking Recipes
Collection of 30 Top Class, Most Popular And Super Tasty Vegetarian Lunch And Dinner Recipes In Just 3 Or Less Steps
A Slice Of American History: The Best Cake Recipes From America's Sweet Past
The Happy Container Gardening Book - How to Create an Easy Indoor or Outdoor Container Garden for Flowers, Vegetables or Herbs
Best Dinner Recipes (Family Favorites)
30 Delicious Apple Dessert Recipes (The Ultimate Apple Desserts Recipes Including Apple Pie, Apple Cake, Apple Cupcakes, Apple Cookies, Bread, Muffins & More)
51 Vegetarian Slow Cooker Recipes - Fabulous Easy Vegetarian Slow cooker Recipes (Vegetarian Cookbook and Vegetarian Recipes Collection)
Latest Collection of 30 Top Class, Easy, Popular And Mouth-Watering 5 Ingredients or Less Gluten Free Recipes For Your Perfect Health
The Best Cookie Recipes (My Favorite Cookies)
50 Easy Frozen Yogurt Recipes - The Frozen Yogurt Cookbook (The Summer Dessert Recipes And The Best Dessert Recipes Collection)
Top 50 Delicious Desserts From All Over The World
40 Top Chicken Slow Cooker Recipes - Easy One Pot Meals For The Whole Family
Go Vegetarian - The Chinese Way!
The Container Gardening Book - How to grow easy flowers, herbs and vegetables in containers
Garden Decking - Getting Started
Indian Food For Beginners - 24 Authentic Indian Recipes
7 Secrets Grow Delicious Herbs Indoors (Your Herb Garden)
Unusual Medicinal Herbs (Herbal Medicine from Your Garden or Windowsill)
27 Pasta Easy Recipes (Easy Pasta & Easy Pizza Italian Recipes)
A Diabetic Friendly Cookbook: You Can Have Your Cake and Eat It Too!
Dessertlicious: 26 Delicious Dessert Recipes
Tasty Tidbits of Casseroles!!! (Easy Cheap Comfort Eats)
The Best Diabetic Holiday Cookbook
Super Delicious Mediterranean Lunch Recipes: Latest Collection Top 30 Selected, Recommended And Super Tasty Mediterranean Lunch Recipes
Latest Collection of 30 Top Class, Easy, Popular And Mouth-Watering 5 Ingredients or Less Salad Dressing Recipes For Every Single Person
Save Money While Cooking for Your Family